considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
