We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
