if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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