A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
