Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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