He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
