as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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