I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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