dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We left the knife in your bed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
