So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
