Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
