I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
