hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
