so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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