just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
