don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
