got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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