She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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