smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
nutella sex= disaster
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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