hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
