if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
