His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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