I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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