Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
