as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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