the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
