He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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