I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
tell me about the eggs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
