Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
