i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
