24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
