sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
