Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
