my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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