stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
