The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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