Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize