careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
