she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
