forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
