wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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