Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
