i just wanna soil my oats bro
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
