just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
