so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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