This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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