Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
