I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
