In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
