There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
