dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
