just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
