We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
