Screwed.edu
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
