You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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