her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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