remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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