This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
