By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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