Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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