Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
