I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
