So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I love having hate sex.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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