She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
