Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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