I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
