I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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