nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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