remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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