There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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