Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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