We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
