I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
