Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
