Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I still have a little drunk in my system
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
