our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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