Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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