All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
