This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
