i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
