So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
