I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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